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not only but also
XMen 3 
31st-May-2006 10:19 am
face
Rumours that this film is ok have been

Godfuckingdamn this is a crap film. I am filled with FURY over how crap it is.

Firstly - i am not a comic book fan boy. I really don't like them very much, and never fell into that particular addiction. So, this isn't a "omgwtf did they do with that character!!111" kind of hatred of this film. I hate it all on its own, or at least in connection with the other two.

Even skipping over the massive continuity issue in the film and the annoyance of people not taking the existence of superpowers to its logical conclusion... skipping over the pseudoscience of "mutation"... there's just the systematic destruction of all the characters' motivations, and sometimes existence.

Lets go through them, shall we:
Prof X : I am an ethical, wise counsellor. That's why I will mess with people's minds without asking them, and try repression and denial as a way of dealing with psychological issues. Yeah, baby.

Magneto: I have a solid motivation to fight against the tyranny of humanity. It might be painted with obvious and broadstrokes, but you can sympathise with me, yah? Gotcha! In this film I drop that pretense and just become a bad guy! Woo! I'll betray my closest affiliates because they saved me and became normal! Screw helping them out! Screw loyalty! Screw your sympathy!

Scott: Hey - WARGH.

Iceboy: Wooo, my Leave-it-to-Beaver looks make me the new lead too-good boy. Stuff you Scott, you're gone!

Rogue: I'm sad that my boy is looking to another girl. Even though everytime I'm on screen, we're arguing or at least not getting on. And he never actually does anything with her.

Kitty: I'm just here to provide dramatic tension with the other two, because the tension between Scott - Jean - Wolverine is gone and we had to replace it with something.

Wolverine: I've been taking anger management classes and have overcome my internal conflicts. I realise that those conflicts also drove me to instinctively rebel, so I won't do that any more. I'm just a normal nice guy. Oh, until there's a fight, in which case I will butcher my way through hundreds of people with no dramatic tension because I'm unstoppable. *yawn*

Blueguy: hi.
me: who the hell is this?
Blueguy: oh, i don't need to be introduced. I'll just show up and be sort of like a calm Wolverine. Except he's all calm too.

Horde of black clad mooks: We're in black with weird hair, tattoos and piercings, so you can tell we're bad. And the best thing about these hoods is that you can't see our faces, so we're really a horde of faceless mooks.


Sure, they were 2 dimensional, but this film even removes that. The director/writers made HALLE BERRY look like she could act by making everyone else as boring as she normally is. That's not a skill, that's a special sort of curse.

Also general ranting:
* where's the teleporty guy? Get him, find out where Magneto is, flick him in, steals the hat, ProfX eats his brain. The end.
* "Scott's gone!" Remember that big mutant detecting computer you have? the one that gets no mention at all in the whole film?
* where the fuck does all this hightech crap come from anyway?
* why the hell would you transport 3.. THREE dangerous mutants together?
* "This is a war!" Then get someone that can run one. You suck, Magneto. Take a goddamn BOAT! Your stupid bridge trick meant that troops could come up behind you. Also, use the weapons you have, don't wait until they've killed half your forces, then use the more powerful ones. Also, SF bay is full of container ships, wait till one goes past Alcatraz, start pulling them off and dropping them on the facility until the girl who can sense mutants tells you the little kid is dead. Also, how can she detect him?
* where was the humour? The first two had a couple of great moments where I couldn't stop giggling. I think I sniggered once in this one.

I stand by my initial evaluation - I'd rather watch Electra than watch this again.
Comments 
31st-May-2006 01:09 am (UTC)
Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how was the play? :-)
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31st-May-2006 04:11 am (UTC)
The director/writers made HALLE BERRY look like she could act by making everyone else as boring as she normally is. That's not a skill, that's a special sort of curse.

gah, too true.
31st-May-2006 04:21 am (UTC)
to follow.

x-men 1 & 2: Brian singer, ie... usual suspects and house.
3: Brett Ratner, ie... rush hour and proson break .
31st-May-2006 05:24 am (UTC)
If he goes near film again, someone needs to break his legs.
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31st-May-2006 05:24 am (UTC)
Wrong sort of bad. Not bad acting, or bad technical bits (like camera work). Bad story. REALLY bad story.
31st-May-2006 08:26 am (UTC)
"Not bad acting"? McKellen was chewing the scenery again, and all the CGI on the planet couldn't be faker than Halle Berry. Even Patrick Stewart was trying too hard to look Zen. The kids were playing kids. Rebecca Romijn has been playing Mystique like a robot - it may be accurate, for all I know, but it's not impressive acting.

On the acting plus side, Kelsey Grammer did a pretty good Beast, Hugh Jackman did OK. Vinnie Jones was at least amusing as Juggernaut. I can't think of anyone else who did anything much. Famke Janssen looked good, which was all she was called upon to do.

In related news, a PG-13 film that contains Wolverine purportedly fighting anything at all organic can not be made with a straight face. The man cuts people to pieces, for fuck's sake. He should look like minced minion for most of the movie. If you want it PG-13, you get to pit him against aliens or robots (or Halle Berry, who is both). Personally, I would prefer that they ditch the Comics Code morals police and wade in, but that didn't happen.

Sad shortage of jokes, I must agree. Perhaps they should have gotten Joss Whedon in again. Still love that scene where Logan authenticates himself to Scott.

I think you're expecting a bit much for something in a comic book movie to make tactical sense, D.

I read that this film was based on the "Dark Phoenix" storyline from the comics. I gotta say, it looks like a real clusterfuck of a story to me. Perhaps it looked good to them when they left Jean Grey dead in a lake at the end of the second film but turned out not to work so well in practice.

So you're right. Not a good movie. I enjoyed it anyway, but I have highly developed suspension of disbelief. In fact, my disbelief's been converted into a low-rider. Let's BOUNCE!
31st-May-2006 08:34 am (UTC)
I sort of got the vibe that they were smooshed more by the script and direction than just the actors being crap.

I heard about the phoenix storyline from comic book friends, but I... well, frankly, i don't care. :) If It Were Me, I would have run it that exposure to the machine from the 1st film caused her to go nuts, not some past history stuff (but I guess that would have implied admitting that the first film existed) and gone from there.

My disbelief works just fine (Batman Begins, for instance), but I was amazed that the characters could be reduced to cariactures of themselves...
31st-May-2006 08:21 am (UTC)
Hold up a min everyone - so the story is c*ap, the camera work sux but I think you're forgetting about the most important question here - are the enough good shots of Wolverine and his gourgious arms to make it worth sitting through the rest of the film or not? :)
31st-May-2006 08:23 am (UTC)
Somehow I knew that would be your only criteria ;)
31st-May-2006 08:54 am (UTC)
You know, I do beleive that was commented on with you in mind :)

Um, I honestly couldn't tell you, I'm not much of a Hugh Jackman fan and was so bored by the film that I wasn't even paying attnetion to whether anyone was worth perving on - sad day that. It really was that bad.
2nd-Jun-2006 06:51 am (UTC)
It also has Vinnie Jones looking huge and buff... with no sleaves. :)
2nd-Jun-2006 08:09 am (UTC)
Ha! See, so it might be worth me going to see after all :)
Bearing in mind my lack of computer graphic knowledge, so I wont notice if special effects are lacking . . .
2nd-Jun-2006 01:09 pm (UTC)
Only if you wear earplugs :) Go back and watch 1 and 2 again if you just want to perv on Hugh Jackman ;>
1st-Jun-2006 05:29 am (UTC)
You know, this just makes me what to see it more... to print out your notes and take them with me to laugh at during the film.

Judging by the above it will be the only laughs I'll get. I'll see on Sunday.

Oh, and I saw The Day the Earth Stood Still the other week too :D
1st-Jun-2006 05:32 am (UTC)
I can't watch TDtESS without laughing, cos of Army of Darkness :)
Klaaaatu!
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